It is with mixed emotions that I share with you all the end of a significant relationship in my life. The decision weighed heavily on my mind for quite some time and despite continued efforts to make it work, I have decided to move on.
The relationship started out as most do, some years ago, with all it's new-ness and anticipation of things to come. I'd been burned before and was naturally trepidatious. But in my quest to find the one, I kept an open mind. I turned to friends, magazines and even the internet for guidance. I needed something that would suit my playful side as well as my career; something I could feel confident in, but nothing too serious; something natural and low-maintenance. Things seemed good for a while. I felt good about myself after seeing him and had a bounce in my step for days after. My mother even loved him. But sadly, over time the communication between us began to break down.
One mistake led inevitably to another until it seemed we saw things completely differently. I started not to recognize myself, and others noticed as well, though most were too polite to say. I tried to communicate my dissatisfaction and it helped, but only briefly. At my wits end, I began seeing others secretly. It was sporadic at first, and not just one. But now I've started to see someone more regularly. I feel renewed and beautiful again. They're miles apart, so I haven't had to bother much with hiding it. And as I've spent more and more time away in the last couple of months, I didn't worry he would notice anything different about me. But now that I am getting what I need without him, I feel it's time to make the break. This is where I could use some guidance...How do you "break up" with your hairstylist?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
What I know now
At the request of a few readers, I give you "the things I know now" about pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Keep in mind (disclaimer alert), this is based purely on my personal experience, which may vary from your own and that of your neighbor, sister-in-law, and that girl you read about last week in People magazine. And while it should go without saying, I'm a blogger, not a doctor. Do not attempt, etc, etc.
1. pressure isn't as bad as pain but it doesn't feel good either
2. having a birth plan is good, just be prepared to defend and repeat it
3. walking the halls or using a birthing ball during labor is a good idea, unless your water breaks
4. sleeping when the baby sleeps is ideal. Sleeping when you can is realistic
5. breastfeeding is natural but not necessarily easy - lactation consultants are indispensable
6. a long labor on an empty stomach is like a bad hangover with its own hangover, but don't eat anything in the last few days of pregnancy that you don't want to see later
7. throwing up is apparently standard operating procedure during labor (see #6, dry heaving isn't any more fun than plain old upchucking)
8. respect to the ladies who go all natural - labor HURTS, pain control is gooood
9. you may only remember 40% of what you learned in prenatal classes, and only 40% of that will actually apply to you, but it will come in handy
10. just when you think you will never go into labor, you do, so be prepared
11. what you need for the hospital should fit into a duffel bag - another empty duffel will come in handy for taking home the baby hospital blankets, baby tee shirts, and volumes of triplicate paperwork
12. even if you're breastfeeding, keep the ready-mix formula they give you at the hospital. It's good to have in the diaper bag for non-breastfeeding-appropriate moments - the ready-to-feed bottles don't expire for months unlike expressed milk that is good for like a minute out of the fridge
13. don't be afraid to put visitors off for a couple of weeks after you get home - the "I just gave birth" excuse expires after about 6 weeks, so use it while you can
14. Avail yourself of stork parking and feel free to give nasty looks to people who use it when they shouldn't
15. you will never be completely prepared or in control, maybe ever again
16. forget eggplant Parmesan, curry, and walking. If you want labor to start, make plans
For my detailed hospital bag checklist or birthplan guidelines, feel free to send me an e.mail.
1. pressure isn't as bad as pain but it doesn't feel good either
2. having a birth plan is good, just be prepared to defend and repeat it
3. walking the halls or using a birthing ball during labor is a good idea, unless your water breaks
4. sleeping when the baby sleeps is ideal. Sleeping when you can is realistic
5. breastfeeding is natural but not necessarily easy - lactation consultants are indispensable
6. a long labor on an empty stomach is like a bad hangover with its own hangover, but don't eat anything in the last few days of pregnancy that you don't want to see later
7. throwing up is apparently standard operating procedure during labor (see #6, dry heaving isn't any more fun than plain old upchucking)
8. respect to the ladies who go all natural - labor HURTS, pain control is gooood
9. you may only remember 40% of what you learned in prenatal classes, and only 40% of that will actually apply to you, but it will come in handy
10. just when you think you will never go into labor, you do, so be prepared
11. what you need for the hospital should fit into a duffel bag - another empty duffel will come in handy for taking home the baby hospital blankets, baby tee shirts, and volumes of triplicate paperwork
12. even if you're breastfeeding, keep the ready-mix formula they give you at the hospital. It's good to have in the diaper bag for non-breastfeeding-appropriate moments - the ready-to-feed bottles don't expire for months unlike expressed milk that is good for like a minute out of the fridge
13. don't be afraid to put visitors off for a couple of weeks after you get home - the "I just gave birth" excuse expires after about 6 weeks, so use it while you can
14. Avail yourself of stork parking and feel free to give nasty looks to people who use it when they shouldn't
15. you will never be completely prepared or in control, maybe ever again
16. forget eggplant Parmesan, curry, and walking. If you want labor to start, make plans
For my detailed hospital bag checklist or birthplan guidelines, feel free to send me an e.mail.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Rediscovering Girlfriendship
I've never considered myself a girlfriend girl. Most of my childhood friends happened to be boys, and I shared their GI Joes and Transformers. In my teenage years, I opted out of the flying fur fests of hormonally charged adolescent female competition in favor of (somewhat geeky) after-school interests. And I preferred my view from the sidelines of sorority life in college.
It's not that I don't enjoy the company of my fellow girls. I was a Girl Scout and had 7 bridesmaids in my wedding, but I've always felt more at ease and able to be myself around the guys. My marriage is in fact the result of a very deep friendship with my husband, a car/beer/baseball loving GUY. And of course the bond with my favorite guy pal, my son, is one like no other.
But my outlook on female friendship changed when I became a mom. I'd been initiated into a whole new kind of sorority- one chartered on sleepless nights and endless piles of laundry, its rituals including the skillful layering of concealer, and one-handed typing. I began to feel connected to my comrades in a strangely comforting way. It's because whenever I see a woman pushing a stroller through the grocery store aisles, I know she too is struggling to remember the one thing on her list she needs most and forgot to write down. And ignoring the telltale spit up stain on her shoulder, I admire the sweater that was no doubt at the bottom of her laundry pile (if not in a long lost box labeled "pre-pregnancy clothes") just seconds before she stepped out the door.
Not only do I suddenly get my feminine peers better, I feel a once foreign sense of need for their fellowship. I find myself approaching new friendships with much less apprehension than before, and appreciating old friends more. I get tremendous value and comfort from relating and sharing, and occasionally even relishing in the guilty pleasure of gossip. I can laugh with my new found cohorts about whirled pea incidents and non-hairstyle-related blowouts, and vent about the frustrations of colic and teething. And while I don't see many toenail-painting slumber parties in my future (unless I have a daughter someday), I can see myself forming many more meaningful female friendships throughout this unique journey of raising children. Because I now feel truly connected to what makes us special as women, and having now been given the gift of motherhood can delight in sharing it with my fellow women.
It's not that I don't enjoy the company of my fellow girls. I was a Girl Scout and had 7 bridesmaids in my wedding, but I've always felt more at ease and able to be myself around the guys. My marriage is in fact the result of a very deep friendship with my husband, a car/beer/baseball loving GUY. And of course the bond with my favorite guy pal, my son, is one like no other.
But my outlook on female friendship changed when I became a mom. I'd been initiated into a whole new kind of sorority- one chartered on sleepless nights and endless piles of laundry, its rituals including the skillful layering of concealer, and one-handed typing. I began to feel connected to my comrades in a strangely comforting way. It's because whenever I see a woman pushing a stroller through the grocery store aisles, I know she too is struggling to remember the one thing on her list she needs most and forgot to write down. And ignoring the telltale spit up stain on her shoulder, I admire the sweater that was no doubt at the bottom of her laundry pile (if not in a long lost box labeled "pre-pregnancy clothes") just seconds before she stepped out the door.
Not only do I suddenly get my feminine peers better, I feel a once foreign sense of need for their fellowship. I find myself approaching new friendships with much less apprehension than before, and appreciating old friends more. I get tremendous value and comfort from relating and sharing, and occasionally even relishing in the guilty pleasure of gossip. I can laugh with my new found cohorts about whirled pea incidents and non-hairstyle-related blowouts, and vent about the frustrations of colic and teething. And while I don't see many toenail-painting slumber parties in my future (unless I have a daughter someday), I can see myself forming many more meaningful female friendships throughout this unique journey of raising children. Because I now feel truly connected to what makes us special as women, and having now been given the gift of motherhood can delight in sharing it with my fellow women.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Going Wireless!
No I'm not a really late adopter just now getting around to dropping my landline for the latest app-happy cell-phone. I am no stranger to crackberry rehab; thanks to my lay-off, I've been clean for 7 months now. But my new wireless is waa-hay better.
Ladies, you know how you've searched your whole life for the perfect bra? One that's supportive and comfortable and looks great under t-shirts? Well, as it turns out, there's an "app" for that. It's called a nursing bra and it is WIRE FREE baby! Well I just heard angels sing . To my husband's dismay, I may never get back on the Victoria's Secret mailing list again. I realize this may not sound totally appealing to those of you who's foreplay ritual doesn't yet include 2 verses of twinkle-twinkle little star. But don't worry, by the time you've gotten comfortable using the word cervix in front of your mate, you'll be ready for all 4 hooks of that flesh-toned spandex miracle.
A funny thing happens to one's body image after pregnancy and breastfeeding. Prior to 9 months of having my bodily systems and functions discussed casually in medical jargon, I still blushed at Vicky's racier secrets - but I could at least possibly picture myself in them at the time, even if only after 17 weekly spinning classes and some time with that infomercial ab gadget I secretly bought at some point in my twenties - when I just thought I was fat. It used to be about lace and little bows and see through fabric. Currently it's just about access.
Yes, my breasts are now as much for function as for frills these days (thank you male OBGYN for pointing out casually 'you're sort of like a cow when you think about it' - it must be said that he delivered my baby boy without so much as a scratch in the clear coat, so I forgive him). I have a whole new respect for my breasts and I spend a whole lot more time with them than I used to, which has brought me to a few important and deeply profound realizations.
One: I love my breasts for what they can do - put an ounce a day of healthy weight on my newborn, quiet him when he's in distress, and then do it all over again in 45 minutes. Two: Just when I thought they couldn't get bigger, they can. Three: Actually three is just plain overshare - if you're really curious, just e.mail me. And lastly: I know my breasts better than ever before and, because I'm breastfeeding, exam them regularly now. I turned 30 this year and now have a human being in my life who is totally dependent on me...it's finally hit me, I need to take good care of myself so I stick around a while. So now that I have you thinking about breasts, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, it's as good a time as any to get in the habit of regular self exams.
Ladies, you know how you've searched your whole life for the perfect bra? One that's supportive and comfortable and looks great under t-shirts? Well, as it turns out, there's an "app" for that. It's called a nursing bra and it is WIRE FREE baby! Well I just heard angels sing . To my husband's dismay, I may never get back on the Victoria's Secret mailing list again. I realize this may not sound totally appealing to those of you who's foreplay ritual doesn't yet include 2 verses of twinkle-twinkle little star. But don't worry, by the time you've gotten comfortable using the word cervix in front of your mate, you'll be ready for all 4 hooks of that flesh-toned spandex miracle.
A funny thing happens to one's body image after pregnancy and breastfeeding. Prior to 9 months of having my bodily systems and functions discussed casually in medical jargon, I still blushed at Vicky's racier secrets - but I could at least possibly picture myself in them at the time, even if only after 17 weekly spinning classes and some time with that infomercial ab gadget I secretly bought at some point in my twenties - when I just thought I was fat. It used to be about lace and little bows and see through fabric. Currently it's just about access.
Yes, my breasts are now as much for function as for frills these days (thank you male OBGYN for pointing out casually 'you're sort of like a cow when you think about it' - it must be said that he delivered my baby boy without so much as a scratch in the clear coat, so I forgive him). I have a whole new respect for my breasts and I spend a whole lot more time with them than I used to, which has brought me to a few important and deeply profound realizations.
One: I love my breasts for what they can do - put an ounce a day of healthy weight on my newborn, quiet him when he's in distress, and then do it all over again in 45 minutes. Two: Just when I thought they couldn't get bigger, they can. Three: Actually three is just plain overshare - if you're really curious, just e.mail me. And lastly: I know my breasts better than ever before and, because I'm breastfeeding, exam them regularly now. I turned 30 this year and now have a human being in my life who is totally dependent on me...it's finally hit me, I need to take good care of myself so I stick around a while. So now that I have you thinking about breasts, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, it's as good a time as any to get in the habit of regular self exams.
Don't resent your pregnancy...you may miss it when it's gone
I realize I may be risking some hate-posting in response to this entry, but this topic has been weighing heavily on my mind. I have to preface this by admitting that I had a wonderful, uncomplicated, full-term pregnancy (40 weeks practically to the minute) and a memorable but relatively smooth labor and delivery. I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes a week after giving birth, and my son sleeps through the night at 3 months...bring on the hate-posts!
It seemed like the minute I got pregnant, everyone else did too. What an exciting thing to be surrounded by other women with whom I could relate and share the wonderful and unparalleled experience of pregnancy and childbirth. Except I seemed to be alone in my exuberance. Everyone else seemed miserable to be pregnant. Suddenly all I heard were constant complaints about heartburn, fat thighs, and even how baby's kicking was keeping one mommy-to-be awake at night. It makes me sad, but also grateful that I had such a wonderful pregnancy. I didn't lament a second of it, despite the typical aches and pains that come with even the most easy of pregnancies. I counted my blessings, and enjoyed every minute, from the long nights of contortionist sleep routines to inexplicable rib pain, and waiting impatiently for labor to start in the middle of the Summer..."sure doc, we'll see you again at next week's checkup."
I don't wish to downplay the (sometimes traumatic) physical symptoms of pregnancy or deny any pregnant woman the well-earned right to bitch about them. But as elated as I am every day to have my son in my arms, I miss my pregnancy. I truly appreciated the miracle going on inside me and for the first time appreciated my womanly body. Suddenly the awkward curves that had made all those cute layered looks wishful thinking at puberty were now responsible for birthing and nourishing a whole new human being. I tried not to think about the stretchmarks or where my waist and butt would end up after it was all said and done.
All I'm saying is, try to enjoy it while it lasts, if for no other reason than the fact that being pregnant is the only time in your life other than your wedding day when you are the complete center of attention - because once baby is born, you are more likely to be to the right, left, or behind it. It also doesn't hurt that being the only sober person at a party is absolutely hilarious, you don't have to suck in your tummy after a big meal, and for 9 months you get to trade in your PMS card for a 24/7 bitch pass. Personally, I can't wait to do it all over again.
It seemed like the minute I got pregnant, everyone else did too. What an exciting thing to be surrounded by other women with whom I could relate and share the wonderful and unparalleled experience of pregnancy and childbirth. Except I seemed to be alone in my exuberance. Everyone else seemed miserable to be pregnant. Suddenly all I heard were constant complaints about heartburn, fat thighs, and even how baby's kicking was keeping one mommy-to-be awake at night. It makes me sad, but also grateful that I had such a wonderful pregnancy. I didn't lament a second of it, despite the typical aches and pains that come with even the most easy of pregnancies. I counted my blessings, and enjoyed every minute, from the long nights of contortionist sleep routines to inexplicable rib pain, and waiting impatiently for labor to start in the middle of the Summer..."sure doc, we'll see you again at next week's checkup."
I don't wish to downplay the (sometimes traumatic) physical symptoms of pregnancy or deny any pregnant woman the well-earned right to bitch about them. But as elated as I am every day to have my son in my arms, I miss my pregnancy. I truly appreciated the miracle going on inside me and for the first time appreciated my womanly body. Suddenly the awkward curves that had made all those cute layered looks wishful thinking at puberty were now responsible for birthing and nourishing a whole new human being. I tried not to think about the stretchmarks or where my waist and butt would end up after it was all said and done.
All I'm saying is, try to enjoy it while it lasts, if for no other reason than the fact that being pregnant is the only time in your life other than your wedding day when you are the complete center of attention - because once baby is born, you are more likely to be to the right, left, or behind it. It also doesn't hurt that being the only sober person at a party is absolutely hilarious, you don't have to suck in your tummy after a big meal, and for 9 months you get to trade in your PMS card for a 24/7 bitch pass. Personally, I can't wait to do it all over again.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tiny Hospital Blankets - Your life will never be the same
It's not until you've folded your first 3x3 pink and blue striped hospital blanket that suddenly it will occur to you that your life will never be the same. Chances are your first thought will be the distant memory of the last time you washed your own linens, followed by a parade of flashbacks of the spit-up, leaky diapers changed in bed at 2am and 5am feedings, and spilled milk (and don't be surprised if you cry over that at some point during those first few postpartum days by the way).
As I recall, it was the first time I'd managed to wash a load of laundry since the baby was born and I was so proud of myself I thought I might cry (and thanks to postpartum hormonal surges I think I actually did). I've helped close millions of dollars of advertising revenue and given presentations in front of 300 or more people, but after giving birth your standard for what counts as accomplishment changes pretty drastically. I used to feel guilty for not brushing my teeth before going to bed sometimes. Now I feel pretty pleased with myself if the bedtime brushing isn't my first of the day.
With all of that said, I couldn't imagine my laundry without those little blankets or my life without the little person I swaddle in them (oh yeah and wipe up the occasional spit up or spilled milk with, when a burp cloth isn't handy).
As I recall, it was the first time I'd managed to wash a load of laundry since the baby was born and I was so proud of myself I thought I might cry (and thanks to postpartum hormonal surges I think I actually did). I've helped close millions of dollars of advertising revenue and given presentations in front of 300 or more people, but after giving birth your standard for what counts as accomplishment changes pretty drastically. I used to feel guilty for not brushing my teeth before going to bed sometimes. Now I feel pretty pleased with myself if the bedtime brushing isn't my first of the day.
With all of that said, I couldn't imagine my laundry without those little blankets or my life without the little person I swaddle in them (oh yeah and wipe up the occasional spit up or spilled milk with, when a burp cloth isn't handy).
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