Hooray for Marissa Mayer?

Everyone is raving about Yahoo!'s new CEO today. I get it. I do. She broke the glass ceiling, we women love that. She's smart, and successful, and a mom.  We really love that.  But according to MSNBC, she is planning to work through her upcoming maternity leave.  Shame on her!  She's worth $300mm so I get that times are tough. You do what you gotta do.  Personally, I'd never work for a company whose chief female set such an example, or perhaps unwittingly, an expectation,  for its female staff. 

Don't get me wrong, every woman has her own choice, and I suppose not every mother will look back and regret the time she chose to spend in the boardroom rather than the nursery. I personally regret every second I was on a plane or in the office late, when my kids needed me. But that's me. The part I have a real problem with is the message it sends to a workforce full of mothers who already have an unrealistic expectation of themselves, who increasingly bear the burden of being the breadwinners in their family, and still expect to master the illusion of the Pinterest Mom.  Maybe it's not wrong, but to me, it's definitely sad.

The link isn't really missing

I'm living proof. I'll admit it. Recently, whilst standing in my kitchen, baby in one arm, wiping down the highchair with the other, I spotted a few little pebbles of cous cous in baby's hair.  I instinctively swiped it from his fuzzy blonde locks and, without even thinking about it, popped it in my mouth. Images of monkeys inevitably crossed my mind. Nice.

"Let's have an adventure!"

Yesterday was one of those days, where the heat was getting to us, and the laundry was piling up.  It was a holiday, but an awkwardly situated one. In the middle of a work week, it seemed more like an opportunity to catch up on chores than an occasion to relax poolside with something fizzy/frozen/alcoholic/all-of-the-above.  And admittedly, my husband and I succumbed to the former rather than the much-needed latter.  We cleaned, we organized.  The pool sat in our backyard with nary a ripple, the grill looking plain downtrodden by 6pm, heated only by the 100 degree day. An epic flop of a 4th of July in the making.

And then my Mom arrived, after a day on her feet working as a pharmacist. She'd been texting me all day, "get out and swim, have some fun, relax!" She bounded through our kitchen door with the same impossible enthusiasm, to find us moving around the house, ironically, like sub-zero particles. She was on a mission to find a fireworks display for the family.  With 2 kids under 3, we hadn't made it to a formal fireworks show in years. In retrospect, we had to admit it was long overdue.

After some debate about cloud cover, crowds, bedtimes, and other well-intentioned excuses, we piled into the van like a bunch of storm chasers and headed out in search of a restaurant meeting the key requirements of being open on the 4th of July, and somewhat unlikely to cause crippling food poisoning. "Let's have an adventure!" my Mom cheered as she shepherded my 3 year old into the van, recalling the many times she said this to me throughout my childhood as we'd embarked on countless impromptu day trips to the beach, the mall, and other mother-daughter jaunts.

A parking-lot-picnic, a short drive to a nearby shopping center, and a brief walk into a neighborhood park at just after dusk led us to one of the most spectacular fireworks displays I've ever seen.  My 3 year old, riding on Daddy's shoulders, squealed with delight as bursts of light and color streaked above us. My 9-month-old kicked his legs wildly in his stroller, and each time the flashes of color lit his face from the sky, I could see his 4 little white teeth gleaming as he giggled. For a rare moment, I was in the moment. 

As we pulled back into our driveway well past the children's bedtime, two sleepy little yawns signaled the final wind-down of our excursion. A day that had started without a plan beyond vacuuming had ended with one of the most memorable experiences of my life.  Our family had recaptured a long-lost tradition of my own childhood, an impromptu adventure we couldn't have planned better.

Am I a terrible mother?

Lately I start a lot of thoughts/questions this way.  Kinda sad, kinda scary, kinda pathetic.  But seriously.  Pinterest will be the end of me for sure. Nothing has ever made me feel less valuable, competent, or adequate in my life.  I thought I was pretty creative, artistic, clever. But not like these bitches on Pinterest. I thought I was cute coming up with a camping theme for my 3 year old's birthday party. So I made the fatal mistake of Googling "camping theme."  Did I mention I hate Google as well?  Google is the reason behind every single pregnancy freakout I ever had. Notice I do not credit Google for the answers. Hmm.

Anyway, not only has the camping theme been done, it's been elevated to an art form.  I wrote my son a book for his first birthday and themed the party around that. At the time I thought that was pretty bad-ass. But there were no themed napkins, no signage, no cake pops [I didn't even know what the hell a cake pop was until 2011! Yikes!] I didn't make favors, but since when does a birthday party follow the template for a wedding reception?  I don't mean to sound like a bad hostess, but add it to my resume I guess.  Was I raised by wolves??! I don't even think I own a trivet.

• Bad Mother, My Household                                                     2009-Present
• responsible for half-assing the birthday parties 
• extremely skilled at excuses and researching Pinterest
• Bad Hostess, My Household                                                    2005-Present
• forgets favors
• takes forever to write thank you notes

So I ask, with all honesty, is all of this stuff required to be a good mom?  My excuse is work. I work full time and have 2 children under 3, so I struggle for the mental capacity for such intense project planning. Don't even get me started on the time and money involved. Who's going to watch my kids while I plan their party?  And doesn't that seem a little counter-intuitive to my wanting to spend more time with them? Wouldn't they rather have me than color-matched table-cloths and themed napkins?  How is it this doesn't seem to be an issue for other moms I know?  Do they not struggle with this dilemma too?  They all seem to raise well-adjusted kids and have uber-themed birthday parties and dinner on the table by 6 o'clock.

Am I?

It's imperfectly natural

Sitting in the endocrinologist's office today, two things happened. Well, one of them was a thought rather than an event, but I don't think either of them was natural (I don't use normal anymore, because I know that word doesn't make sense - somewhere the guy who invented that word is rolling around in his grave going "that's not what I meant you idiots!")

One, I thought to myself 'I really hope they find something wrong with me.' Now don't get all annoyed. I don't like to wish bad things on anyone, let alone myself.  And I literally pray for people I don't even know who actually have things wrong with them, like cancer.  I've had scares with it myself and have, Thank God, been given the thumbs up each time.  But I hoped to find something wrong with me, so there would be something to work on fixing. Something that would explain the other weird thing that happened.

I cried in the appointment. I was so embarrassed, but couldn't help myself.  All the worry about my stupid job and my suddenly plummeting milk supply and the weight gain I hadn't even realized had happened until I stood on the doctor's office scale, just came flooding, literally, out of me.  My male endocrinologist didn't take pity on me, Thank God. He just kept saying "you're worn out, aren't you?"  And I think he got it.  As moms we all get the 'well,  you're a Mom, that's normal' with the subtext of 'get over it lady, suck it up' that mostly we tack on ourselves. But this guy was judging me the way I was paying him to. He ordered a slew of blood work, and for that I was grateful. Maybe it would turn up something that was fixable. Maybe there was a pill that would fix my exhaustion, worry, guilt, constant need to stuff my face, etc.  But who am I kidding? 

The truth is, at least for the most part (bloodwork pending) I am a Mom, and it is normal.  And what other choice do I have but to suck it up? 

Where were we?

Hello my little neglected blog.  I say it over and over, but I really need to hang out here more, and invite others. But I'm a terrible hostess, virtually and otherwise, and that's another post.

When I started the blog a while back, I fantasized that it would somehow get discovered by Oprah and make me a best selling author, contributor to Self, Martha Stewart Living, and most pinned on Pinterest. Okay, Pinterest didn't exist then and at the time all I really wanted was to be a stay at home mom - a second child, a promotion (and several projects I got suckered into) later, that's still a goal rather than a reality.

Being a working mom is hard, whether you stay at home or not (I know because I've done both, since I was laid off in the middle of my first pregnancy and struggled to find work for 18 months afterward). But being able to share is what gets me through each day. Whether it's crying to my husband on the bluetooth in my minivan on my hour-long commute home from work, or hearing another mom confess over beers that she doesn't have it together either despite her perfect hair and well-behaved kids.

So while this blog doesn't promise to fund my dream of spending my weekdays with my kids, working my way through my Pinterest boards and keeping their meals organic, it sure won't hurt to come here for a chat.

Come by any time!

How to energize your morning routine this winter

Let's face it, winter time can be a drag. Less sunlit hours can result in a host of beauty problems, including a dull complexion, less energy for the blow-dryer, and even a depressed mood.  But take heed, even if old man winter isn't your best friend right now, mother nature is still on your side. Check out these simple beauty tricks and tell that groundhog where to stick those extra 6 weeks of winter!

Inside and out
We all know that citrus is great for boosting an immune system that's gotten a winter-time beat down, but it's also a great addition to your skincare routine.  Add a half a grapefruit to your breakfast once a week. Then use the hollowed out zest in the shower like a bath mitt, applying brown sugar in a circular motion to slough away dead skin. Breathe in the invigorating citrus scent for an energizing start to the day.

Beachy keen
Sick of cinnamon and evergreen candles already?  Use an SPF 15 or higher sunscreen as your daytime moisturizer, or choose a moisturizer with SPF built in. The classic sunny scent of sunscreen will put you in a beachy mood without the sun damage. Another trick - after applying sunscreen, use the leftover on hands as a light styling wax to smooth down flyaways or tidy up a loose updo.

Heat wave
Nothing says spring is near like casual, not-fussed-over hair.  And who has time to blow dry after hitting snooze 15 times?  Instead, shampoo the night before and spritz towel-dried locks with a shine-boosting light hold stying spray.  Then wrap hair into a bun, securing with a cloth-covered elastic.  Get an extra 15 minutes of sleep, then unwrap your bun and rewrap it more loosely, securing with pins or a discreet clip.  Tidy loose ends with a sleek headband or let them frame your face.  To change it up, try a side bun or braid the loose ends down the side.