It's imperfectly natural

Sitting in the endocrinologist's office today, two things happened. Well, one of them was a thought rather than an event, but I don't think either of them was natural (I don't use normal anymore, because I know that word doesn't make sense - somewhere the guy who invented that word is rolling around in his grave going "that's not what I meant you idiots!")

One, I thought to myself 'I really hope they find something wrong with me.' Now don't get all annoyed. I don't like to wish bad things on anyone, let alone myself.  And I literally pray for people I don't even know who actually have things wrong with them, like cancer.  I've had scares with it myself and have, Thank God, been given the thumbs up each time.  But I hoped to find something wrong with me, so there would be something to work on fixing. Something that would explain the other weird thing that happened.

I cried in the appointment. I was so embarrassed, but couldn't help myself.  All the worry about my stupid job and my suddenly plummeting milk supply and the weight gain I hadn't even realized had happened until I stood on the doctor's office scale, just came flooding, literally, out of me.  My male endocrinologist didn't take pity on me, Thank God. He just kept saying "you're worn out, aren't you?"  And I think he got it.  As moms we all get the 'well,  you're a Mom, that's normal' with the subtext of 'get over it lady, suck it up' that mostly we tack on ourselves. But this guy was judging me the way I was paying him to. He ordered a slew of blood work, and for that I was grateful. Maybe it would turn up something that was fixable. Maybe there was a pill that would fix my exhaustion, worry, guilt, constant need to stuff my face, etc.  But who am I kidding? 

The truth is, at least for the most part (bloodwork pending) I am a Mom, and it is normal.  And what other choice do I have but to suck it up? 

Where were we?

Hello my little neglected blog.  I say it over and over, but I really need to hang out here more, and invite others. But I'm a terrible hostess, virtually and otherwise, and that's another post.

When I started the blog a while back, I fantasized that it would somehow get discovered by Oprah and make me a best selling author, contributor to Self, Martha Stewart Living, and most pinned on Pinterest. Okay, Pinterest didn't exist then and at the time all I really wanted was to be a stay at home mom - a second child, a promotion (and several projects I got suckered into) later, that's still a goal rather than a reality.

Being a working mom is hard, whether you stay at home or not (I know because I've done both, since I was laid off in the middle of my first pregnancy and struggled to find work for 18 months afterward). But being able to share is what gets me through each day. Whether it's crying to my husband on the bluetooth in my minivan on my hour-long commute home from work, or hearing another mom confess over beers that she doesn't have it together either despite her perfect hair and well-behaved kids.

So while this blog doesn't promise to fund my dream of spending my weekdays with my kids, working my way through my Pinterest boards and keeping their meals organic, it sure won't hurt to come here for a chat.

Come by any time!