What I know now

At the request of a few readers, I give you "the things I know now" about pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Keep in mind (disclaimer alert), this is based purely on my personal experience, which may vary from your own and that of your neighbor, sister-in-law, and that girl you read about last week in People magazine. And while it should go without saying, I'm a blogger, not a doctor. Do not attempt, etc, etc.

1. pressure isn't as bad as pain but it doesn't feel good either
2. having a birth plan is good, just be prepared to defend and repeat it
3. walking the halls or using a birthing ball during labor is a good idea, unless your water breaks
4. sleeping when the baby sleeps is ideal. Sleeping when you can is realistic
5. breastfeeding is natural but not necessarily easy - lactation consultants are indispensable
6. a long labor on an empty stomach is like a bad hangover with its own hangover, but don't eat anything in the last few days of pregnancy that you don't want to see later
7. throwing up is apparently standard operating procedure during labor (see #6, dry heaving isn't any more fun than plain old upchucking)
8. respect to the ladies who go all natural - labor HURTS, pain control is gooood
9. you may only remember 40% of what you learned in prenatal classes, and only 40% of that will actually apply to you, but it will come in handy
10. just when you think you will never go into labor, you do, so be prepared
11. what you need for the hospital should fit into a duffel bag - another empty duffel will come in handy for taking home the baby hospital blankets, baby tee shirts, and volumes of triplicate paperwork
12. even if you're breastfeeding, keep the ready-mix formula they give you at the hospital. It's good to have in the diaper bag for non-breastfeeding-appropriate moments - the ready-to-feed bottles don't expire for months unlike expressed milk that is good for like a minute out of the fridge
13. don't be afraid to put visitors off for a couple of weeks after you get home - the "I just gave birth" excuse expires after about 6 weeks, so use it while you can
14. Avail yourself of stork parking and feel free to give nasty looks to people who use it when they shouldn't
15. you will never be completely prepared or in control, maybe ever again
16. forget eggplant Parmesan, curry, and walking. If you want labor to start, make plans

For my detailed hospital bag checklist or birthplan guidelines, feel free to send me an e.mail.

Rediscovering Girlfriendship

I've never considered myself a girlfriend girl. Most of my childhood friends happened to be boys, and I shared their GI Joes and Transformers. In my teenage years, I opted out of the flying fur fests of hormonally charged adolescent female competition in favor of (somewhat geeky) after-school interests. And I preferred my view from the sidelines of sorority life in college.

It's not that I don't enjoy the company of my fellow girls. I was a Girl Scout and had 7 bridesmaids in my wedding, but I've always felt more at ease and able to be myself around the guys. My marriage is in fact the result of a very deep friendship with my husband, a car/beer/baseball loving GUY. And of course the bond with my favorite guy pal, my son, is one like no other.

But my outlook on female friendship changed when I became a mom. I'd been initiated into a whole new kind of sorority- one chartered on sleepless nights and endless piles of laundry, its rituals including the skillful layering of concealer, and one-handed typing. I began to feel connected to my comrades in a strangely comforting way. It's because whenever I see a woman pushing a stroller through the grocery store aisles, I know she too is struggling to remember the one thing on her list she needs most and forgot to write down. And ignoring the telltale spit up stain on her shoulder, I admire the sweater that was no doubt at the bottom of her laundry pile (if not in a long lost box labeled "pre-pregnancy clothes") just seconds before she stepped out the door.

Not only do I suddenly get my feminine peers better, I feel a once foreign sense of need for their fellowship. I find myself approaching new friendships with much less apprehension than before, and appreciating old friends more. I get tremendous value and comfort from relating and sharing, and occasionally even relishing in the guilty pleasure of gossip. I can laugh with my new found cohorts about whirled pea incidents and non-hairstyle-related blowouts, and vent about the frustrations of colic and teething. And while I don't see many toenail-painting slumber parties in my future (unless I have a daughter someday), I can see myself forming many more meaningful female friendships throughout this unique journey of raising children. Because I now feel truly connected to what makes us special as women, and having now been given the gift of motherhood can delight in sharing it with my fellow women.